By the time you’ve hit 47 your vagina has either stretched to accommodate a child or been given a hall pass. The good news is that they’re really just a tube surrounded by muscles and most often things go right back to where they began, or pretty darned close. Of course for some women there are issues and they’ll need to consult with a gynecologist but for the vast majority we have compiled a list things your vagina never has to do.
1. Go Flamenco Dancing: I mean, sure you can go flamenco dancing and obviously your vagina will accompany you but she needn’t carry her own fan. Give the little lady a rest. Let her enjoy the dance without the work.
2. Shoot ping pong balls: If you’re looking to play a little beer pong this lady can teach you how and your vagina can just come along for the ride without doing any of the heavy lifting.
3. Squirt: If you are a squirter have no shame. If you don’t that’s okay too. This article explains squirting pretty well and and links to some research if you want more information.
4. Get Bleached: that color, whatever color your labia may be, that’s the right color. Don’t change it.
5. Putting rocks in her: Anything GOOP recommends is suspect. I’m pretty sure they’re trolling us more often than not. But your vagina doesn’t need a $65 polished rock. It just doesn’t. If you think that putting a jade egg inside of you will have strengthening and healing powers go for it. Just make sure it’s clean and you use a fragrance free soap. 6. Douches: Unless a gynecologist recommends one (not even sure how that would happen) douching is on the short list of things your vagina should never need to endure. A 2011 study concludes that frequent douching increases the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy, and, possibly, cervical cancer.7. Have Plastic Surgery: There’s a special kind of sadism that markets labiaplasty to women who think their labia are too big, uneven, or somehow otherwise imperfect. Unless there’s pain involved there’s nothing to fix. Leave your labia alone.According to the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology:A recent analysis of internet marketing for labiaplasty by Liao et al. (BMJ Open 2012;2:e001908) found unsubstantiated claims for physical, psychological and sexual benefits on every website studied. Far from reassuring girls and women about healthy genital variability, surgeons are active participants in distorting the norms in ways that can undermine vulval confidence and put pressure on women to modify their vulva.
Women’s vulvas haven’t changed in the past decade. Our physicians have. One plastic surgeon has the gall to make you click through to see the highlighted text: